Divorce is hard on both you and your kids, and honest communication is the best way to get through the difficulty. Kids don’t always ask or say what is on their mind, so it’s important for them to know these things…
- Avoid The Blame Game – While it may seem easy to place blame in a divorce, by doing so you can create a tug of war where a child feels the need to pick sides. The important element to remember is that it wasn’t caused by your children, so make sure they understand that.
- Reaffirm Your Love – These changes may be difficult for a child to digest and understand. So, amid a very fluid situation, constantly reassure your child or children that your love is concrete and unwavering, regardless of the divorce.
- Acknowledge The Best In Your Ex – Kids need to be able to use their parents as role models, so recognizing the positive aspects of your ex is crucial moving forward. That will strengthen a child’s foundation and self-esteem.
- Mom/Dad Will Still Be Here For You – Children need support, because a change in their living environment is sure to shock their system. Explain the difference between different and “gone”. You’ll see him/her less but they’re still a presence in your life and will be there whenever you need them most.
- Tell The Truth But Don’t Get Specific – Your child knows there were problems, otherwise you’d still be married. The exact details can remain private; but pretending they didn’t exist is ignoring the elephant in the room. They deserve to hear the truth to better understand the whirlwind around them.
- Avoid Maybe and If – Children will have a hard enough time adjusting as it is. So don’t muddle the situation in hypotheticals or “ifs”. It will only make it harder for them to move forward and think clearly.
- Explain That Things Change – Explain that life and circumstances change and sometimes they happen for the better. Children need to understand that divorce can result in a better overall situation for all involved. While change can be a momentary setback, the benefit will come from avoiding the toxic nature of a broken marriage or household.
These questions and circumstances may be touchy, and the amount one divulges is highly personal. However, try your best to remain positive and supportive of your child.
Finally remember that shining a light as opposed to leaving them in the dark is the best way for your child to see their way through this transition.
